Sunday, July 31, 200511:34 PMcurrent music : Better Than Ezra - A Lifetime after a horrible, horrible month of July (the only perk being the release of Half Blood Prince), i went and pampered myself with a day of retail therapy! :D
so i hit mid valley with azlan, who very nicely agreed to accompany me even though i know he was bored out of his skull the entire time. he looked like he wanted to die, even though i compromised and proposed a nachos-and-soda break in between terrorising Zara and terrorising Esprit. but he says to blog about how nice he is instead of how he was too lembap to participate in a shopping spree, so i guess he is kinda nice lah. thank you again, azlan!!! i feel shopped out, but still want to get more. more! more! shopping = girl's best friend. my new housemaid just arrived today. oh, the wonders of a helping hand when you're too much of a lazy ass to maintain the order and hygiene of your little living space. i can see the relief on my mom's face too. within 24 hours, our house was restored to a clean and livable state once again. all surfaces are now dust-free, clothes smell somewhat proper like how they used to, and peace and harmony has been restored once more amongst the inhabitants of my closet. behold the BEFORE state of my closet :  and AFTER the housemaid stepped in .. :  ahahaha. i should be ashamed of myself. but right now i dont care. i just wanna go shopping.
Saturday, July 30, 20056:37 PMcurrent music : Jack Johnson - Wasting Time SPM 1st Trials are over!!! i technically have 3 Biology papers left to go, but whatever :P i shall just allow myself to be deluded with the fallacy that the 1st trials are over and done with. yay!
though the two Add Math papers were shit! i take back the 50 bucks bet i made some days ago about me passing add math. I SOOOOO TAKE IT BACK. i took a quick count at the end of my papers, and the highest percentage i can get this time around is 22%. ahhaa isnt that just so sad? i didnt finish (or even glance at!!) more than 3/4 of the paper. stupid me :P but i dont think i deserve to pass anyway. the amount of effort i put in this time around was like .. well, almost nothing :P for every single paper i took, i either didnt study or only did a couple hours of revision the night before. pah to you, add math. i hope you grow fungus outta your toenails!!! a couple of my classmates cried after the add math papers. i felt really bad for them because in their world, a fail grade is just not an option. actually, a B grade is not even an option. also, watching them get so upset and traumatized kinda made me feel a little relieved that i'm so used to failing the subject. (again, pah to you, add math!! 6 fails from me not enough issit?!) i've failed it enough to be immune to the disappointment one feels after a paper not-well-done. (maybe it also helps that no one really expects me to pass the paper anyway, hahhaha :P so no pressure lor!) but in the midst of handing out tissues and consoling words, i was seriously feeling confounded. you should have seen the state of them. crying and crying and hitting walls and stuff. it was all quite sad, to see young people breaking down over a mere 6 marks lost in paper2, a careless mistake, writing a lab report wrong .. etc etc. if it's like this in trials, what is it going to be like in SPM itself? i wonder how it must feel to have your entire world depending on your academic results. isnt there much more to life?
5:12 PM current music : Oasis - Dont Look Back OMG??!?!
 hahahahhahahahahhahahahaha oh man :P it's the Hogwarts gang gone wrong after __________ died. it's actually very well done, too! looks almost real.
Tuesday, July 26, 20059:39 PMcurrent music : Dashboard Confessional - For You To Notice online quiz! my results ...
 Orderliness results were low which suggests you are overly flexible, improvised, and fun seeking at the expense too often of reliability, work ethic, and long term accomplishment. Extraversion results were moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly talkative, outgoing, sociable and interacting at the expense of developing your own individual interests and internally based identity. so i am an unstable, romantic, altruistic, paranoid, dominative, religious, adventurous, and a hypersensitive drama queen of a female cliche! .... how..um, nice. i dont get the anti-authority part though. 90%?! i'm not THAT rebellious. and my conflict-seeking should have been higher :P and what is physically secure? it doesnt have anything to do with being secure about your physique, does it, because that sure as heck aint me. i'm 90% hypersensitive. what else is new? and i resent that female cliche thing!!! c'mon, you females, take the test and lets see how many of you guys are cliches of your own gender like me :P the test can be found here! edit : lately i have been drinking so much coffee that : a) i seem to have formed a resistance against it b) i constantly puke coffee c) my hair keeps dropping. in bunchfuls. (though i'm not sure if i can attribute this to the coffee) d) i've been extremely hyper and i say things that are stupider than usual e) worse still, in my caffeine-induced delusion, i dont realize that i say stupid things until it's way too late f) i am alert when i have not slept, and i am extremely sleepy when i have slept. huh?
Monday, July 25, 200510:26 PMcurrent music : Jars of Clay - With Every Breath you know what i miss? i miss smells. my life has been completely devoid of smells lately. it's not that i've got a cold or accidentally snorted gum up my nose or anything ... it's just that i havent been taking the time to smell anything.
am i making any sense? when i was 5, life smelt like the crisp papyrus pages of new storybooks and my grandmother's homemade belacan. i loved to read even way back then, and nothing went with rice the way my gran's belacan did. i used to crawl under my bed with an Enid Blyton novel, a bowl of rice + belacan and a torchlight, and just spend hours on end reading about the misdemeanours of Elizabeth at Whyteleafe or the adventures of the kids beyond the magic Faraway Tree. under my bed. pretending that it was a shack made of coconut tree trunks on some remote sandy island where little brothers and vegetables didnt exist. when i was 6 life smelt like Pudu markets. because that's where my grandma always used to go to get whatever stuff she needed to get. i'd tag along with her because it was always like a huge adventure to go to Pudu. everywhere she went i'd follow behind, grasping the back of her shirt like a scared rabbit. when i was that age i loved Pudu. so many things to see, so many quirky people with no teeth. too many homeless beggars, too little coins to spare! the 2nd best part of Pudu was Dr Tham, my kindly old family doctor who always pretended to believe me when i griped about a nonexistent stomachache. he'd give me sweets too, wink at my grandma and say that was my medicine. (back then i thought i was so smart, being able to fool both grandma and the doc. but now i know better) the very best part of Pudu was the lil fishy market that sold little fishies and terrapins and hamsters and all sorts of cutesy little animals that a tiny tot like me simply adored. i would stand at the market and stare into the tanks and tanks full of colourful fish while my grandma went and shopped for her groceries. i remember once when i was staring at a tank of orange-coloured fish, one flipped out of the water and started wriggling painfully on the dirty market floor. i desperately tried to pick it up to put it back in the water (i'd already learnt that fish die without water, you see) but no matter how i tried, i couldnt pick the fish up. it ended up dying on the ground. when i was 7, life smelt like chalk and Polly Pocket. i started primary school when i was 7, and oh boy did i love school. first day at Sri Garden, in the puny little classroom of 1Ephedra, seated behind an equally puny table (although it didnt seem so puny back then), i knew i was in my element. school was so unlike kindergarten, where you did rubbish like writing alphabets in a straight vertical row. school was different. school was .. just ..undescribable. all that learning to do! i couldnt stop learning. i didnt want to stop. each day from school i'd rush home and call my mother at work, and tell her excitedly about what i'd learnt at school. after that i'd page my dad on his pager and tell him the same things i told my mom. they would both chuckle and ask me questions, like my little experiences meant as much as serious adult things like balancing checkbooks, mortgages and income tax. back then they both thought i was so precious. Polly Pocket was my favourite toy when i was 7, next to Barbie. they both have this smell that's sort of like a cross between plastic and cherry. my childhood had that smell for quite some time. when i was 8, life smelt like little limes and the smell a cableTV decoder emits when you've had it on for too long. my mom comes home from work at 6pm everyday, sometimes 6.30pm. so before 6pm every evening, i'd drop all my schoolwork and rush to the porch where my grandma plants these little lime trees (limau kasturi, to be exact) that bear these cute little limes. each day before my mom came home from work, i'd pluck 16 of those little limes, grab a chair from inside the house, and then stick the little limes on the points at the top of my house gate. upon completion of that little task, the gate would look very cute, with limes all across the length of it's top. i saw it as 'decorating the entrance to welcome mom back home'. my mom was quite thrilled when i showed her what i'd done. and i thrived on that look on her face. so i did my 'decoration' thing every single day that i could. until the lime trees were completely bare. then i got spanked by grandma. but she felt bad after that. so she bought me Milo ice cream at the little chinese sundry shop down the street. lovely grandma never could hold anything against me. many a time i pricked my fingers on the sharp points at the top of the gate. but i thought it was worth the grandeur of the entrance that would greet my mom after a long day at work! somedays my living room carried the scent of a (only slightly) smoking decoder .. because we got MegaTV when i was 8 and i couldnt stop watching Cartoon Network. life at 8 also smelt like the Roti Man and his wares. when i was 9, life permanently smelt like the dusty smell of my room. you see, i'd just got a computer that came complete with the internet. enuf said. when i was 10, life smelt very hazy and lazy and cozy and warm and fuzzy. when i was 10 i was in a world of my own. completely blur, extremely daydreamy and somedays it felt like i wasnt even on earth. i dont really remember much about life at 10, to be honest. i just know that it was a very comfortable point in life and that i rather liked being 10. life also smelt like dog when i was 10. i got my first puppy, christened Sugar, because she looked so sweet. she didnt turn out to be very ladylike, though. she'd chase my cousins around my house whenever they came to visit (i still have this vision of my cousin sis running in circles around the porch with Sugar nipping at her heels) and she'd eat out of our bowls of Maggi Mee. curry flavour. when i was 11, life smelt kinda harsh and painful. it was quite a bad year for me, and my childhood kinda ended that year. things with the family and all. which also affected my progress at school and relationships with certain friends. i dropped from my secured spot as top student, and had a few friendships ruined because of my heightened sensitivity and omnipresent ability to flare up immensely when provoked even slightly. i hated my class teacher when i was 11. i hated a lot of things when i was 11. when i was 12, life smelt like soap bubbles. my brother and i used to take cupfuls of washing powder and scatter them all over the smooth red floor of our porch. then we'd upturn buckets of water on the soap, and we'd slide and skid in the bubbles and foam like we were preschool children. my dog would join in the fun too, but she'd always crash into the wall because she couldnt stop in time. life stopped smelling like my grandma's homemade belacan when i was 12. she got a stroke in April, one day after my trip to genting with sieutheng, sueling and kezanne. she got a stroke and almost died. i broke down in school upon recieving the news, and up till today i always felt like it was my fault she got a stroke. see, when i was up in Genting, she wanted to come up and watch over me cos she felt it wasnt safe. in doing so, she sacrificed a day of sleep, so she was tired when she came back down. that same day she collapsed at Pudu. she emerged from the stroke half-paralysed and not like her old self at all. almost senile and very incoherent, i didnt recognise her at all. though i'm really glad that she can still recognise me. i dont know what i'd do if she couldnt. somedays i cry when i think about how i turned her down for porridge that night at Genting so i could play Truth or Dare with my friends. when i was 13, life smelt like Laser Quest vests and scented candles. i loved playing Laser Quest, for many stupid reasons that i shall not reiterate at this point in time. i spent a lot of my time there at Mines, just playing laser quest and bumming with the staff, occasionally going ice skating with wai min (who looks like a fairy when she blades). life also smelt like scented candles and potpourri and scented oil because i'd suddenly developed this fetish for all things girly and cutesy. i think it's called puberty. when i was 14, life smelt like the harsh saltiness of tears and the unplacable whiff of exciteness. i was 13 going on 14 when i had my first real boyfriend. like all my other relationships, it started off weird and very unexpected, but we slowly grew more and more attached. first romances are always whirlwinds of drama, and this one was no exception. ahh, i dont wanna say too much :) it'd reveal a lot of what should be kept just between the two of us for old time's sake. but it was a very cute and innocent relationship. 14 years old was also when i first encountered that cloudy-day smell that you smell when people start to question your worth. when i was 15, life moved a bit too fast, but occasionally i'd catch hard smells of strengthening bonds, the woody essence of church and the elusive fairydust-like bouquet of daydreams and little crushes. when i was 16, i forgot that i forgot to smell. i am 17 now, and i have just realized that i have forgotten to smell for a long time now. life has been scentless for 2 years. tomorrow i will start smelling again.
8:46 PM current music : Smile Empty Soul - Who Am I shameless advertisement for a good friend. Ee Yean is participating in the Charity Blogathon this year, and is pledging the money she raises to NKF Msia. whee! everyone go give her some love because she's cute, charitable and a cheapskate who downloaded Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince off the internet!
omg la?! RM99.90 was totally worth it okay. the History, EST and Moral Studies papers i sat for today went reasonably well for someone who hit the books only 5 hours before the papers started. but i will not let my head get too big. i've got 3 Physics papers tomorrow. and 3 Chem papers the day after. argh! i'm tired of exams la. i wanna just go like, fuck it all, and then sit down and plan the prom with sieutheng. but i cant!!! it's almost compulsive. i just want to score uber high grades so everyone who ever called me useless can go screw themselves after they see my results. but ah, i am as usual hoping for the impossible. we'll see how it goes when the real SPM rolls around come Novembah. anyway, look! this thingamajig has this to say about my mug :  i dunno which is funnier -- the fact that my celebrity match is Lucy Liu, or that i rank a LOW on Politeness. well, excuse you, faceanalyzer.com!
Wednesday, July 20, 200511:43 AMcurrent music : Weezer - Beverly Hills ahh. aint nothing betta than waking up to a McMuffin coupled with barbeque sauce, hash browns, coffee -- lots of sugar, no cream -- and an icy cold coke. and a homemade Oreo McFlurry in the freezer. what more could a girl ask for?? McDonalds breakfast rawks <3
so my trials start tomorrow. exams, exams, exams. oh, how ubiquitous you seem to be. let's all have a bet, i put down 50 bucks that i will pass my Add maths this time. ON MY OWN MERIT. and i will not be 30 minutes late like i was for the previous exam >:( i didnt want to let on previously, but i really am quite excited about my upcoming trip to Corea. Sieutheng and i are hoping that our host families can make mean bulgogi. shlurp! and i will buy home lots and lots of corean candy. and a hanbok too, if i can afford it!! does anyone know the rough price of a hanbok? a picture of sieutheng, me, and beverly in Hanboks prior to our Asian Carnival last April :  i wanna eat mooncakes. MOONCAKES!!!#IO*$&*(*#&%
Sunday, July 17, 20053:34 PMcurrent music : Eagle Eye Cherry - Save Tonight and so i've read Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. highlight for spoilers, dont if you havent read. (comments contain spoilers as well)
OMG?!!!?!?!?!?!?! how could they kill DUMBLEDORE?! FIRST SIRIUS AND NOW DUMBLEDORE?! is JK Rowling trying to break my heart?!?!?! and how could SNAPE be the one to do it!!!! i was in a state of utter shock when he killed Dumbledore :O i just always thought he was the good guy, since Dumbledore trusted in him so and apparently had very good reason for doing so. oh maaaaaaaan. the whole thing was just so incredibly SAD. i cried like crazy when snape killed dumbledore :( why dumbledore. :( he was my favouritest character ever. and he was Harry's mentor and advisor and place to turn when things were of Oh Shit What Do I Do Now urgency. and now he's gone. siigh. what will harry do. and .. snape. d00d. how can this be?! and draco!!! ARGH! oh, dumbledore :( okay i'm done with the mad ranting. on to the real review .. which wont be much as i am still distraught with emotion. @#%$^&#%& what did i think of the book? did i like it or did i not? well what can i say. i'm a harry potter fan with a lot of bias, so of course i did like the book. i'd better anyway, it was 2 years of waiting! but to be utterly anal and critical, i have to say there were things in book6 that could have been vastly improved on. for instance, do you not feel that book5 and book6 lacks the 'oh .. wow ..' effect of book1-4 in regards to foreshadowing? in the earlier books, there were always hints of foreshadowing that you would just skip over, and then when in later books it is revealed that the foreshadowing in earlier books played a big part, you are just so swept off your feet. for examoke, in some earlier book when Dumbledore casually mentioned something dismissively weird about a room with a fine toilet when he needed it, and then in book5 the Room of Requirement popped up? or the Arabella Figg thing. or the Parseltongue thing. or the Thestrals that are only visible to people who have witnessed death. ah, so many lah. book6 just lacked that. the only twists or 'oh wow' moments were within the book itself (eg : identity of Half Blood Prince) and nothing that was developed from the previous books. quite the disappointment, really. i was expecting huge big bangs in regards to the result of 5 books worth of foreshadowing. and did anyone feel that Book6 was full of cliches and no surprises? besides the Half Blood Prince and Dumbledore's death, there wasnt really anything that was out of the ordinary. in fact, during the course of some major events, i felt like i was reading fanfiction. the whole thing with Draco being a deatheater .. man! i've read that in fanfictions like 50 times. and they almost all go the same way -- Draco becomes deatheater, Draco realises he cant do what he's asked to do, Draco cries to himself in the Slytherin dorms, Draco fails at mission, Draco is forgiven and he elopes with Hermione. book6 was exactly like that minus that last bit. even the part with Narcissa loving her son too much to allow him to become a Death Eater was a little .. fanficcy. and let's not even get started on Harry x Ginny. though i do realize that in no way should JKR be blamed for writing something cliche, especially since the plotline for all 7 books were created waaaay before Harry Potter Fanfiction made its appearance, but ..... i just .. well.. i dont know .. feel a teeny weeny bit cheated. book6 has also lost the magical touch. it's more .. down to earth now, and not as surreal as the previous books were. the only things that saved it were the Unbreakable Vow, the Felix Felicis, and the Horcruxes. those things helped pump a bit more magic into the book. sad to say that compared to book6, the previous books were more chockful with omg-how-does-she-think-of-this-stuff moments. was i the only one who felt that the whole bit with Hermione and Ron blowing up at each other got a little bit redundant towards the end? same goes with the Lavender And Ron's Face Sucking Episodes. blegh. totally unnecessary. *mimes puking into cereal with all that said, i still think that Book6 was a really good book. the above was just me nitpicking because it's my way of getting back at a book that announced the death of Dumbledore. I AM STILL UPSET THAT DUMBLEDORE DIED AND THAT BLOODY SNAPE WAS THE ONE WHO KILLED HIM!!!! I DO SO HATE YOU, YOU FREAKING GREASY-HAIRED VAMPIRE WANNABE!!!! edit: anyhow, here are : My Theories on HBP 1. Dumbledore wanted Snape to kill him i'm thinking it's because no matter what, Dumbledore didnt want Draco to kill him. maybe so that there's still chance for Draco to go over to the right side. or maybe, if Draco were to really kill Dumbledore on his own, it would be like sealing his fate to become a Death Eater and a right hand man of Voldy. i'm guessing Dumbledore didnt want that. so he pleaded for Snape to kill him, hence "Severus, please..". Which was exactly what Snape realized, and so he killed Dumbledore, knowing it was what the old man sincerely wanted. And as to why Dumbledore froze Harry instead of defending himself, i believe it was because he wanted Harry to extract important information from his conversation with Draco. Which would explain why he kept asking Draco crucial questions like how he sneaked the Deatheaters into the castle. 2. Harry's scar (or Harry himself) is a Horcrux Voldemort tried to kill Harry because he heard the prophecy, but when he failed to do so, he accidentally turned Harry into a Horcrux. he may or may not have realized he did that, but i'm banking on the fact that he didnt. so part of his soul is now in Harry, which would explain the connection that exists between Voldemort and Harry, Harry's ability to speak Parseltongue, and why the Sorting Hat wanted to place Harry in Slytherin during his first year. part of soul in Harry = Harry is a Horcrux. 3. Ginny is a Horcrux when i first heard about this i thought it was pretty ridiculous. but then .... after reading this excerpt from the Chamber of Secrets .. "So Ginny poured out her soul to me, and her soul happened to be exactly what I wanted... I grew stronger and stronger on a diet of her deepest fears, her darkest secrets. I grew powerful, far more powerful than little Miss Weasley. Powerful enough to start feeding Miss Weasley a few of my secrets, to start pouring a little of my soul back into her..." it all sounds pretty logical. a very farfetched twist, but logical nonetheless. especially with all the apparent wordplay that JKR is so famous for. so if Ginny really is a Horcrux, then she will have to die before Voldemort can be defeated. 4. R.A.B is Regulus A. Black pretty sure i am about this one. refer back to page108 of OotP and you'll find that Sirius and gang found a heavy locket in 12 Grimmauld Place that no one could open. hmmm. curiouser and curiouser. though the identity of RAB was entirely too easy to guess, so i'm wondering now if it really IS Regulus. @_@ it all fits though, especially since Sirius said Regulus panicked and tried to back out of being a Death Eater when he found out how far Voldemort was willing to go. he must have then tried to thwart Voldy's plans by stealing the Horcrux, and died in the process due to the green potion. (although i'm pretty sure we were told that Voldemort ordered for Regulus to be killed) hmmmm. 5. Ron's Birthday Present you know that watch with tiny moving stars and strange symbols that Ron got from Molly and Arthur for his birthday present? did that seem to any of you like too big a thing to have gotten what little coverage it got? and that is all. i just wanna stop thinking about HBP :( i wanna not think up anymore weird theories nor do i wanna elaborate on the ones i already have. cos everytime i do, i think of Dumbledore and i get sad all over gain. sniffy. :( i spent two whole days trying to wipe out the 6th book from my conscious mind but i have failed quite sadly. bah. and remember, i am only just a little bit obsessed. i am done.
Saturday, July 16, 200510:30 PMcurrent music : Gavin Degraw - Chariot in 2003 i posted the below pic in much jubilance and excitement :
 2 years later, i am posting the below pic in a state of utter delirium so potent, i feel like running up to everyone i see and smacking them on the ass.  I HAVE THE BOOK!!!!!!!! havent had much time today to dedicate to the 6th book in the Pottah installment .. but i'm making up for the lost time now. am halfway through the book already, just taking a break to escape the subzero temperature of my room, as well as to proclaim to the whole world that i hold in my hands Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. i'm only just a little obsessed. did i mention that i'm drinking out of my Slytherin mug at the moment, and wearing my Hogwarts tshirt? i probably didnt. here's a photo of me in bio extra class this morning -- late as usual, but whatever -- what's important is the SHIRT i'm wearing!! w00tie. to show my fandom, of course. pardon the dumb expression on my face. the notion of a muchly-anticipated book waiting for you on a shelf in a bookstore kinda does contort your face like that.  after class, i turbo-walked over to MPH with Christine, and you will not believe my excitement when i saw that the book was as thick as Goblet of Fire. i could barely contain myself!!! see, i was told by a few sources that the book would be as thin as Philosopher's Stone (about 1/3 the thickness of GoF), and so i was expecting a really thin book. BUT IT WAS A THICK BOOK!!! which means HOURS AND HOURS of glorious reading!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D you should have seen how i started squealing and jumping. like i said earlier, only a little obsessed. anyways, yes, this has taken more than the 3 minutes of absence i allowed myself from the book. so, goodbye and au revoir, because the book doth call. oh and here's a spoiler below. so dont highlight if you havent read yet. i just need to like .. vent. and give myself the opportunity to gloat in the case of me being right about my hunch. again, dont highlight if you have yet to read, okay? TONKS IS NOT TONKS, ISNT SHE?!?!? !!!!!!!! and remember, i am only just a little bit obsessed.
Friday, July 15, 20059:28 PMcurrent music : Jack Johnson - Banana Pancakes i'm irritated. my friday night has just been ruined, no thanks to a stained skirt, cramps and bloatedness. as i blog this, i'm missing out on the gigs at Hartamas, Songwriters @ Alexis, AND ervin's party. AND DotA at Subang. squee!!! i hate my period.
and i wasnt expecting it AT ALL. tell me, is it normal for a girl to menstruate TWICE in 2 weeks?? my period was just over like .. 8 days ago!! and now it's back. fuh. i was at Asia Cafe, Subang, earlier and i was heading up to the pool area upstairs when this middle aged dude manning the Corean food stall waved me over to ask if i wanted any corean chow. the bulgogi didnt look very nice, so i just gave him a piece of corean candy and ran off. later on when i was coming back down, he grabbed me by the arm and asked me if i had any more candy. HAHA what the heck. i'm feeling kinda shitty right now. cramps are the worst thing ever. i'm just trying to console myself with good music and the fact that Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince will be out tomorrow. OGMLGJFGJdfgkfdgjdflkgjLKDU@%*#&%(*#&!!!!!! tomorrow, after Bio extra class, i am jetting straight over to MPH to get the book. then i will go home, turn off my phone, paste a DND sign on my door and lock myself in my room. and i will not come out until i finish reading every single word in Book6. and then i will come straight onto blogger.com and spoil the book for all the lamahs who have yet to read it!!!! :D and then only will life resume. i kid. i wont spoil the book. or at least, not in black print. aiyo i geram la. i wanna watch Fantastic4!!! and Chocolate Factory. was talking to asyraf yesterday and he didnt believe me when i said i dont flirt with or chat up guys i'm interested in. i swear it, i don't. in fact, i'm super nonchalant around any guy i like/am crushing on. why? because i always wait for the guy to make the first move. i cant stand the thought of being the one to approach the dude, get his number, ask for the first date, etc etc. dunno why, i just dont think the guy is worth it if he doesnt act first. that, and i have my pride. this, ladies and gentlemen, can be explained through a very deep and complicated psychoanalysis of my brain and my behaviour, but i will save that for another day when i have absolutely nothing to blog about.
Wednesday, July 13, 200511:12 PMcurrent music : dreamingtosleep - Moments of Indiscretion The Lim Siblings Now and Then
1. Wai Ken, the Boy Formerly Known As Stick Insect. who wants you to Move Forward.  now  then 2. Wai Weng, the kid who used to be cute and innocent.  now  then 3. Su Ann, the girl who's now wondering why the heck she used to have pointy ears  now  then the oldest pics of all three of us that i have in my PC. pahahaha if either of them sees these pics, i'm so dead. though the old pic of WW isnt that embarassing. i recall there was a uber embarassing one where he was fresh out of the shower and trying to escape my camera. i think i shall go look for that pic.
10:20 PM current music : Deep Blue Something - Breakfast At Tiffany's over a timespan of heaven knows how long, i have been blogging almost incessantly about how i've been having shitty days, shitty weeks, shitty schedules, shitty teammates, shitty workload, shitty problems, and shitloads of unnecessary pressure, stress and tears.
i'm sure we're all tired of that. cos frankly, so am i. yesterday was the apex of my frustration cumulative curve. the last straw, and i buckled under all of the stuff i've been keeping to myself for a while now. something really miniscule happened at school, yet it tugged at my heart quite badly for so many different reasons, and so i just burst into tears. three times. i left a lot of people going "huh? wtf just happened?" but honestly i dont really know myself. everything just felt so, so horrible and as cliche as it might sound, yes it did feel like everyone was against me for some unknown reason. and feeling alone is one of the things i hate feeling the most, if not THE one thing. so i went home and i cried and cried some more. cried until i had a splitting headache, and then i fell asleep trying to study for my Information Technology paper. i woke up this morning with still a little bit of throb in my head and heart, but much better compared to yesterday. felt so smiley, too. someone must have been praying for me :) i just suddenly felt calm, composed, and happy. so instead of cramming for my paper before i left for school, i started a list of things that make me smile. just so i can call this list back up and read it whenever i slip into one of my blue funks again. also before i left for school, i was wondering how to face and act around certain parties now that circumstances are a bit different. what to do, what to say? pretend nothing happened? apologize? wait for an apology? and then amidst my muddled thoughts, the phrase WWJD just popped into mind OUT OF NOWHERE. then i knew for sure someone was praying for me :) WWJD. WWJD. WWJD. my mantra from now on. things went well at school. i was super perky, if anything. i think some people were quite shocked. from tears to sugar high in 24 hours? ah, the abilities of a woman. anyhow. here's the list :) Things That Make Me Smile by : me 1. the satisfaction of a job well done 2. toilet paper when you reach for some 3. a nice long email from a long lost friend 4. a good game of Dota 5. my brothers being considerate 6. my granny 7. anonymous secret admirer stuff 8. killing bigass cockroaches (me the sadist) 9. a sweet, touching movie (Eternal Sunshine) 10. 16 hours of sleep 11. a good date with good friends 12. or a good date with an amazing guy 13. inside jokes 14. M&M's and Godiva and Leonidas 15. and all other chocolate 16. my mom's weird smses (oh boy you dont wanna know) 17. my dad when he babytalks 18. my lil bro when he babytalks 19. compliments 20. shopping!!!! 21. ice cream in a sugar cone 22. Harry Connick Jr's songs 23. long conversations during long drives 24. juicy gossip 25. meaningful testimonials on Friendster 26. Mr. Khoo (now dont get any wayward ideas...... that's just so wrong....) 27. a secret shared 28. nostalgia and reminiscing 29. finding something i've lost 30. cute lyrics, like those by Da Vinci's Notebook! (i recommend Title of the Song and the Irish Drinking Song :P) 31. hiliarious Google results in my tracker. right, Guo Heng? 32. drunk yelling and pranks 33. cuddly fluffy puppies 34. yummy fluffy pancakes :P 35. guys who write poetry. so irresistible. 36. posing for the camera with a huge bunch of friends 37. my brothers finding their footing in life 38. the look on the faces of young children when they discover something new 39. happy endings 40. finding you have so much in common with a complete stranger 41. the fruits optimism bears 42. doting old ladies (so cute!!) 43. lame jokes .. do you guys wanna hear the SUPPLIES one? 44. answered prayers 45. gavin degraw - chariot 46. holidays at melbourne. chadstone, crown towers, gelati, the city, and johanny! what more could i ask for?! ;) 47. art 48. good theatrical productions & musicals 49. me time 50. life. and that's all i've got so far. so if i'm ever feeling upset in the future, i think i'll just go seek out one of these 50 things to smile again. have also removed the older posts from my blog's index page to clear my head off all the previous emotional baggage. they can still be found at the archives, though. it's liberating to be happy. i feel like telling lame jokes. do you guys wanna hear what Atom A said to Atom B? :P
Tuesday, July 12, 200510:44 PMcurrent music : John Mayer - Comfortable my head is swimming. this week has been one of the worst weeks ever. and it's only the 2nd day. i cant wait to see what will happen to me tomorrow, and thursday, and friday, as there will be major events on all 3 days, the outcomes of which have the potential to be extremely negative. and detrimental to my mental and spiritual wellbeing. oh, joy.
right now i dont know what i should be feeling. for the people who read the previous post before i deleted it, ignore it. i should know better than to write loooooong detailed rants when i'm feeling extremely shitty. is it just me, or am i becoming more and more depressed as i grow older?
Monday, July 11, 20058:05 PMcurrent music : Jars of Clay - Worlds Apart i am just so angry right now.
the public speaking competition i'm supposed to be participating in TWO DAYS FROM NOW has just been postponed. i got a call from my teacher today during tuition, and i was so over the moon when he said hey guess what, the competition has just been postponed because (insert name of bleeping institution that was responsible for this) didnt have enough time on their part! i was all, YAY! more time to prepare! and i was just so glad for the opportunity because (as most people would know by now) even till today, i have not exactly decided which topic i wanna present for the competition. yes yes it's two days away and all, but i prepared 2 speeches because of many issues/reasons that i will not bother to disclose here. anyway yes, so i was told that the stupid thing's been postponed, and i was running around in circles squealing how this has been the best news i've heard for a while. then he drops the bomb and tells me it's on the 3rd of August. WHICH IS WHEN I WILL BE IN COREA FOR THE YOUTH EXCHANGE PROGRAMME. whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy???? so there's absolutely no way that i can participate in the competition. unless i dont go to corea. which will be impossible since i already paid. so i'm just really upset right now.
12:57 AM current music : Goo Goo Dolls - Black Balloon my menu of meals for the day :
(or lunch, whatever, but it was my first meal of the day :P) McDonalds(tm) Quarter Pounder fries coke Lunch @ 4pm 3 slices of pizza 2 slices banana kaya dessert garlic bread coke Dinner @ 9pm KFC fries coke McDonalds, KFC and pizza all in one day. and people wonder why i put on weight. i think i will go find me some chocolate. anyhoo, the other day i went to see a doctor about my discharge problem. when giving diagnosis, he started blushing and stuttering and he wouldnt say the word 'vagina'. he refered to it as 'down there'. cis, sungguh tak professional. i knew i didnt like him. i have not downloaded new music in about a month, ever since winmx kicked the bucket. wilt and die i soon will if i dont have new tunes!!! can someone please recommend me something to download music that doesnt contain Kazaa or WinMX in its name? :\
Sunday, July 10, 20053:42 PMcurrent music : The Used - Blue and Yellow I am currently in a very hazy, lazy, sickly, chocolatefondue-induced foggy state of mind. there IS such a thing as too much chocolate after all. i am staying far far away from chocolate-dipped marshmallows, strawberries and bananas at KLCC from now onwards ......
anyways, it's Confession Time. here are some things i would like to say to some people but have never worked up the nerve to, or have never planned to let them know. regardless, here is my heart. Person 1 : i honestly wish you would just break up with her and just let her go. why is it that you just refuse to listen to us no matter how many times we tell you she's just a materialistic money sucker who does nothing but use you 24/7? yes, she uses you. yes, she's a bitch. and yes, you're being a total wimp for allowing her to use you and walk all over you. if she thinks she's so all that, well let her go to her "throng" of "admiring fans" then, since she's always telling you how she can dump you anyday for some other guy. come on, she's not worth your time. you deserve better. just dump her sorry ass. Person 2 : remember that day in form2? i never told you i went home and cried because of what you said. from that day onward i swore never to tell you anything personal anymore. i still cant believe you said that to me and i am still reeling from the shock. you're a friend, but i can never trust you to back me up anymore. Person 3 : i think you're really sweet and i appreciate all that you have done for me. but we just cant get together because i think your friends are a disgusting lot. i know how they would react if we got together and i dont think its gonna be pretty. Person 4 : please dont go. Person 5 : you need a sense of responsibility. somedays i want to grab you and just scream at you to wake up. you are dealing with PEOPLE here. people, with actual souls and actual hearts and actual lives. i dont think you see that. you're acting so fucking nonchalant and carefree about things that sometimes i wonder how you can expect anything out of us. we've already come so far, but it's all no thanks to you. it's tough, i hate doing your job, and i hate playing your role. and i hate how you keep jeopardising all that i've worked at simply because you just want the easy way out. i want to just .. stop caring but i can't. Person 6 : i think it's really funny that you've got so many pimples now. my friends and i laugh about it all the time. it's called karma, dearie, karma. Person 7 : remember the time you commented 'anonymously' on my blog? i always knew it was you. and i thought that was pretty lame of you. the reason you left those comments is still quite fresh in my mind .. :) i hope you've grown up over the years and learnt how to stick by your friends despite circumstances they cannot control. he was nothing but the nicest person to you but you had to turn around and stick a knife in his back. Person 8 : honestly, sometimes, i wish i could just turn to you and tell you stuff. you're not very far away, and it should be really easy for me to just tell you things. but i just .. won't, because i always get the feeling you'll roll your eyes and think "i didnt even ask for your sob stories". and i always felt that you just didnt care about whatever i was going through. so i never did say anything. Person 9 : i really hate it when you gossip about her. i hate it even more when i agree with what you have to say. i wish we would just shut up and not say anything anymore from now on. Person 10 : you had me at "excuse me". Person 11 : you and your bunch are the bloody most bising group i've ever met in my life. you're not just bising, you're also rude and a bunch of suck-ups. maybe if you guys kept quiet for a while and looked around you, you'd find that almost everybody wants to stuff socks into your mouths to shut you up. so you date a form5 guy? whoofuckinghoo. you're oh so POPULAR. too bad people still dont like you. Person 12 : are you seriously, really, married? to a woman? Person 13 : omg, i read your blog, and i think your sex life is awesome. only i dont know how you plan to keep your blog from your partner, because all it takes is a word or two in google to land on your blog ... Person 14 : i hate people who start religious debates with me, and you're one of them. honestly, what is the damn point?? i believe in God, you believe in the Big Bang. so what? does that mean all the christians have to move to the North Pole and all the atheists to the South? sheesh. just give it a rest already. then maybe we can finally have a drink or two in peace. Person 15 : i'm sorry. over the stuff that happened in the past. i have no justification for the things i said and did, but all i want to say is .. you cut me deep too. i guess you and i wont ever truly mix well no matter how much we try to make amends or to bury the past. i wish we would, though. you're a great friend. sometimes i wonder if we could be better friends if our past was different. Person 16 : i'm not sorry over what happened between you and me. i know you lied to me, and it killed me to have to be so sappily sweet to you. you had it coming. stop fucking blaming me for the things you bring upon yourself. Person 17 : i know you stole my money :) i think you're a loser. Person 18 : as much as you try to deny it, you are a stalker. why do you act so confused everytime a girl starts blocking you in msn and doesnt pick up your calls or reply your messages? you're just so forward. i'd be scared off too if i didnt know your better side. Person 19 : you're one of the best friends i ever had. i love to just sit down and talk to you like we did the day before i had my exams. you actually mean a lot to me, and i value your opinion above everyone else's. and i kinda know about your secret. i dont know why you didnt tell me earlier. anyways, i appreciate so much all the help and assistance you give me. i wish i could express my gratitude more, and in better ways, but i guess our relationship doesnt allow for such affection to take place. sucks, huh. anyhoo .. you might wanna check out that financial engineering thingy .. ;) Person 20 : i think i like you. yeah.
Thursday, July 07, 200512:32 AMcurrent music : Lifehouse - Hanging By A Moment i'm such a wuss! i was watching Face/Off on Star Movies earlier ... and i cried.
twice. and once more at the end. i'm all puffy-eyed and sniffly now. man, that scenario at the prison -- when Sean looked up to see that his visitor was Castor-looking-like-Sean!!! omfg that scene just defined "oh ... shit." it was so heartstopping that i was jumping up and down on the sofa squealing to the tv screen about the unfairness of it all. how could Castor do that to Sean?! HOW COULD HE?!?! and killing Tito and the doctor too?! now no one in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD knows that Sean is Castor and Castor is Sean! argh!! @#*&(*%&#($^ i burst into tears at the end, i couldnt help it. it was just so sweet!!! (and John Travolta's pretty hot too.) i've always had this thing for reading horoscopes even though i know they're a pile of bullshit. i dunno, i guess its just fun sometimes to read what every single Libran on the planet is feeling and should be doing in order to achieve optimum prosperity, then go "hey that's so true!", and then when someone besides you exclaims, "you mean you actually read horoscopes?", you can say "nah i dont really believe in that stuff." even though you secretly read your horoscope every day. or is it just me? aaanyway. i was reading my Monday horoscope (shut up, it's the latest newspaper i have in my house at the moment, okay?) and it said, to that i say, if only you people knew, then maybe you would understand why i'm feeling really indignant at the moment. if only. and pah, i knew it all along. horoscopes are bullshit. but then again, that was Monday's horoscope ... i wonder what it says for today. hmm. and i still think John Travolta is really hot.
Tuesday, July 05, 200512:04 AMcurrent music : Liz Phair - Why Can't I following my ultra-depressive mood, songjun brought me to mid valley for ice cream. i swear, the moment i lay eyes on the buckets and buckets of different ice cream flavours, i felt better already!
as usual, i had trouble deciding which flavour. i was tempted to do that one thing Jovann hates most -- run around and around the freezers squealing that i wanna try everything, then try about 20 flavours, before finally deciding on one -- but i thought i'd give song jun some face and save that for the next time i go out with Jovann. i had Cookies n Cream :) my favouritest ever ice cream flava! i feel happy now. ice cream cures all. also went to snap passport photos for the trip to Corea. they turned out fugly as usual. i am doomed to never have nice passport photos! my dad just farted. ew. but i will not speak to him or even glance his way >:( the evil man promised me 3 boxes of Godiva from the airport but brought back shortbread instead. pah! shortbread, indeed. i brought back my blog archives after hiding them for the past year. so for the oddballs who have been trying (to no avail) to google my archives, you dont have to work so hard now. though i'll only bring back the 2005 posts. it still feels weird for people to read stuff i posted 2 or 3 years ago. everybody, are you aware that it's 11 more days to the 16th of July??
Monday, July 04, 20053:28 PMcurrent music : Dave Matthews Band - Crash Into me i always feel like i want to run away and hide from everything. but i dont know why i feel like that. everything is fine. just dandy. ginger peachy. there should be no need for me to feel like i'm suffocating.
but i'm just tired. i want them all to just shut up and leave me alone. i dont want to hear anymore opinions, i'm sick of explaining, i'm sick of convincing, i'm sick of fake smiles and tears forced back. do i really need all this? i used to be a highly opinionated person who talks a lot and laughs a lot and enjoys taking charge of any given situation. but now i find that i barely talk, and laughing seems to take up so much energy. the opinions are still there, just left unvoiced to avoid argument. and as for taking charge ... nowadays i prefer to just let the dumbasses take charge since they ALWAYS seem to want to prove their worth. fine. go ahead. let's see how you do. and i will bite my tongue and refrain from saying "i told you so" when all your half-baked plans fall to pieces around you. i find myself always counting minutes, days, hours. during tuition classes i glance at the clock and mentally countdown until the end of class. during school at 8 in the morning, i'm already waiting for 3.30pm. on monday i cant wait for friday. it's sad, to wish for time to pass so quickly. i want to just enjoy myself and live but i cant. everytime i talk to people i dont enjoy talking to, i want to just walk off. everytime i work with people i dont want to work with, i feel like slapping them. every day feels like a tiring battle. i have not .. let loose and be me for a very long time. i feel like a Sim, like i have all my coming actions lined up in a pre-arranged row already. Talk, Smile, Laugh, Tell Joke, Talk, Smile, Laugh. i feel like i have to be so careful all the time. it's so draining. i just want to lock myself in my room and sleep my entire life away so i dont have to deal with anymore people.
Friday, July 01, 200511:34 AMcurrent music : Jewel - Foolish Games just came back from the first half of Cheer 2005. Shewanaz, my school's cheerleading squad made top15! w00t :D dont exactly know which position in the top15 because the organizers declined to say, but 'w00t :D' all the same. i'm just glad this time around they did so well that waimin didnt cry after their routine like she did for the past 3 years :P
 i demand to know why everytime Cheer rolls around, and i see some of my old friends at the event, they always ask me why i'm not a cheerleader. "ei, you so bimbo wat! i can just see you hopping up and down with poms shrieking your head off while trying to keep your skirt down!" EXCUSE ME. i may be a little blonde sometimes, and tell lame jokes that i alone laugh at, but that does not in any way make me a bimbo >:( i'll have you people know that i'm intelligent AND opinionated! and that i didnt fail my add maths the last exam! so there. oh, did i mention that Malaysian supermodel Amber Chia was there as a guest judge? i swear, every second that she seemed remotely unoccupied, people kept going up to her and asking for an autograph/photo. the thing about her is that she actually says yes, and she thanks each and everyone of them when they snap shots with her. so humble! gorgeous, too. ChannelV VJ Joey was there as an emcee as well. lol during lunch break, both he and Amber got swarmed by people begging for photos and autographs. it was quite funny to watch. and if i didnt have my pride, i would have gone to snap some pix with Joey myself. that man is hawt. alas, my ego obstructs me. i'll be there for the 2nd half tomorrow, and i'm hoping that Shewanaz wows the judges enough to score a top3 placing. simply because i want to see my friend happy for once. also, i dont know why people take drugs and stuff when there are M&Ms so readily available. cheap, too.
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Persona :: Name Su Ann / Pinkpau :: Age 16 :: Location KL, Malaysia :: Email pinkpau[at]gmail[dot]com Spirit :  Linkage Alvin Ee Yean George Iviane Johann Sarah Scott Sern Li Shu Hsien Shy Sinta Song Jun Terence Tze Ching Blog Archives January 05 February 05 March 05 April 05 May 05 June 05 July 05 |